Happy Holidays from RightChanges! We will conclude the four part series The Other Skills That Will Help You Get the Job after the holidays. Here are the top job search articles from 2009 based on readership. Have a safe and happy holidays and a very prosperous new year to YOU.
Judi Adams
RightChanges
The Most Powerful Cover Letter (Two part series)
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/05/most-powerful-cover-letter.html
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/07/extra-tip-regarding-t-cover-letter.html
The Power of Your STAR Statements
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/06/power-of-your-star-statements.html
The Underutilized Job Search Tool: The Informational Interview (Two part series)
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/06/power-of-your-star-statements.html
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/06/underutilized-job-search-tool_18.html
What Document is as Valuable to a Job Seeker as a Great Resume? (The Marketing Plan)
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/08/what-document-is-as-valuable-to-job.html
How Will You Answer the Interviewer’s Question: What Else Have You Done Since You Left Your Last Job?
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/09/how-will-you-answer-interviewers.html
The 4 P’s of a Successful Interview (Four part series)
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/10/4-ps-of-successful-interview-part-1-of.html
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/10/4-ps-of-successful-interview-part-2-of.html
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/10/4-ps-of-successful-interview-part-3-of.html
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/10/4-ps-of-successful-interview-part-4-of.html
And the article that received the widest range of responses:
There is no Shame in being Unemployed
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/10/there-is-no-shame-in-being-unemployed.html
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
The Other Skills That Will Help You Get the Job: Part 3 of 4 – Accepting Change
A person can have all of the experience and technical skills the company is looking for yet may not get hired if he does not demonstrate strong soft skills. Soft skills are the skills, abilities, and traits that pertain to personality, attitude, and behavior rather than formal or technical knowledge. It is the combination of abilities and soft skills that will set you apart from the crowd.
Soft skills include the following:
Active Listening
Body Language
Accepting Change
Good Attitude
Judi Adams, the founder and senior job search coach at RightChanges, the Affordable and Successful Job Search Coach, will address each of these in the four part series The Other Skills That Will Help You Get the Job.
In part one of the series we covered active listening and how important it is to all of us especially when we are in a job search.
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/12/other-skills-that-will-help-you-get-job.html
In part two, we covered body language and how important it is to leverage the tool that comprises more than 75% of all face to face communications by monitoring your own body language and reading other’s.
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/12/other-skills-that-will-help-you-get-job_11.html
In part three, we will discuss the importance of accepting change.
Change is inevitable and is happening faster than ever before in the history of man. You know this first hand if you purchased any new technology (computer, phone, PDA, etc.). By the time you get it home, the price has dropped and a new version with cooler features is on the shelf.
If you are in a job search, you have experienced a great change in your life; what you do with it is a choice.
First, you have to give yourself time to process the change. You may go through the stages similar to the stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Give yourself time to process the loss; don’t suppress it. If you try to shortchange yourself on processing the loss, it will come out at the most inopportune time – like during an interview. After giving yourself time though, you need to get to the acceptance phase to move on.
Required reading for my clients is the small but powerful book “Who Moved my Cheese” by Spencer Johnson M.D. If you have not read it or not read it in the last three months, get hold of a copy and read it. It is about four characters, two mice and two men the size of mice and how each of them reacts differently to change. Which character are you?
I purchased the “Cheese” book when I was on the job market back in 2002. I had heard a lot about the book and knew of several companies that bought copies for their staff before the company went through a major change. I like change (trying different restaurants, traveling to new places, wearing something different) so I didn’t think it would have much to teach me – boy was I wrong. The writing on the wall (you’ll understand that when you read it) that meant the most to me was “What would you do if you were not afraid?” I now “move my own cheese”; the latest example is when I left a lifelong career in Information Technology to start my own job search coaching business.
Do I easily accept all change? No. It is human nature to not easily accept change. Familiarity breeds comfort. This applies to an old pair of jeans as well as to old friends.
When examining a new way to do things, it is human nature to look for any excuse to dismiss the change. But if you think back, there were problems and flaws with the old way too, we have just gotten used to them or found workarounds. We just need an open mind to fairly judge the new way.
In some cases we do not have the option to judge and accept it or not – it just is. For many years to come I will refer to the tallest building in Chicago as the Sears Tower. I will refer to the store on State Street and in Water Tower on Michigan Avenue as Marshall Fields. Sadly, one day people will not know these institutions by their former names though and instead call them the Willis Tower and Macy’s. One day, I will have to refer to these Chicago landmarks by their new names too if I want the taxi driver to get me to where I want to go.
Do you realize the job market changed? No longer do we expect a gold watch retirement and pension after a lifelong career with one company. A fact about the new job market is that your next job (the one you are searching for now) will not be your last. Do we like that fact? Many of us do not. Do we have a choice? No. The Sears Tower was sold and the new owners have the right to name it what they want. The job market changed; we didn’t get a vote on that – we have to adapt to get where we want to go.
Not knowing the realities of the new job market is like walking into a dark, packed warehouse and being told to go to the other side of the room. The room is so dark you can’t even see your hand in front of your face so you surely can’t see where the other side of the room is and how to get there. Without knowing the room, you will bump into objects and although you are working as hard as you can, you are wasting time and not even sure if you are making progress.
Instead, you have to turn on the lights to the realities of the new job market (good and bad) before you can navigate in it. It is not a pretty place, it is not where we want to spend a lot of time, but we have to know what it is to get through it. If you want to use the old approach to job seeking, you can. It is like using a horse and buggy on the interstate though. You may get where you are going, it will just take you a lot longer.
Many family and individuals were not ready for the sudden job loss and the length of time it takes to find a new job. You need to keep the roof over the head, the car in the driveway, and food on the table. The job loss also has an impact on the family dynamics. I refer to all of these as pressure points. Since all of us will be on the job market again, there is no shame in being unemployed.
There are organizations out there whose sole purpose is to provide assistance to those who need it. In the United States, you would not hesitate to call 911 for first responders if you needed it because you realize that there are times you need assistance that you can’t handle by yourself. We know the number 411, phone number information. In many states 511 will get you information from the Department of Transportation. Dialing 211 will connect you with the United Way and its network of organizations (like the church I attend) to help with many of your needs and mine. Do not wait until the situation is dire because there are more options available the earlier you call.
Just dial 211 and let them know your zip code and the type of assistance you need and they will connect you with the organization that offers the type of assistance you desire. They also offer counseling for those family dynamics that can be strained by unemployment. I give to the United Way so they are there when you or I need them so please contact them as needed.
Learn today how to adapt to change and pursue “new cheese”. Turn on the lights to the reality of the new job market and learn how to navigate in it to get that job quicker. Remember there is no shame in being in a job transition, we all will be at one time or another, so get assistance for any pressure points while there are more options available to you.
Accepting this change is a good step. In the fourth and final part of this series, we will cover the importance of having and maintaining a good attitude in the job search.
Soft skills include the following:
Active Listening
Body Language
Accepting Change
Good Attitude
Judi Adams, the founder and senior job search coach at RightChanges, the Affordable and Successful Job Search Coach, will address each of these in the four part series The Other Skills That Will Help You Get the Job.
In part one of the series we covered active listening and how important it is to all of us especially when we are in a job search.
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/12/other-skills-that-will-help-you-get-job.html
In part two, we covered body language and how important it is to leverage the tool that comprises more than 75% of all face to face communications by monitoring your own body language and reading other’s.
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/12/other-skills-that-will-help-you-get-job_11.html
In part three, we will discuss the importance of accepting change.
Change is inevitable and is happening faster than ever before in the history of man. You know this first hand if you purchased any new technology (computer, phone, PDA, etc.). By the time you get it home, the price has dropped and a new version with cooler features is on the shelf.
If you are in a job search, you have experienced a great change in your life; what you do with it is a choice.
First, you have to give yourself time to process the change. You may go through the stages similar to the stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Give yourself time to process the loss; don’t suppress it. If you try to shortchange yourself on processing the loss, it will come out at the most inopportune time – like during an interview. After giving yourself time though, you need to get to the acceptance phase to move on.
Required reading for my clients is the small but powerful book “Who Moved my Cheese” by Spencer Johnson M.D. If you have not read it or not read it in the last three months, get hold of a copy and read it. It is about four characters, two mice and two men the size of mice and how each of them reacts differently to change. Which character are you?
I purchased the “Cheese” book when I was on the job market back in 2002. I had heard a lot about the book and knew of several companies that bought copies for their staff before the company went through a major change. I like change (trying different restaurants, traveling to new places, wearing something different) so I didn’t think it would have much to teach me – boy was I wrong. The writing on the wall (you’ll understand that when you read it) that meant the most to me was “What would you do if you were not afraid?” I now “move my own cheese”; the latest example is when I left a lifelong career in Information Technology to start my own job search coaching business.
Do I easily accept all change? No. It is human nature to not easily accept change. Familiarity breeds comfort. This applies to an old pair of jeans as well as to old friends.
When examining a new way to do things, it is human nature to look for any excuse to dismiss the change. But if you think back, there were problems and flaws with the old way too, we have just gotten used to them or found workarounds. We just need an open mind to fairly judge the new way.
In some cases we do not have the option to judge and accept it or not – it just is. For many years to come I will refer to the tallest building in Chicago as the Sears Tower. I will refer to the store on State Street and in Water Tower on Michigan Avenue as Marshall Fields. Sadly, one day people will not know these institutions by their former names though and instead call them the Willis Tower and Macy’s. One day, I will have to refer to these Chicago landmarks by their new names too if I want the taxi driver to get me to where I want to go.
Do you realize the job market changed? No longer do we expect a gold watch retirement and pension after a lifelong career with one company. A fact about the new job market is that your next job (the one you are searching for now) will not be your last. Do we like that fact? Many of us do not. Do we have a choice? No. The Sears Tower was sold and the new owners have the right to name it what they want. The job market changed; we didn’t get a vote on that – we have to adapt to get where we want to go.
Not knowing the realities of the new job market is like walking into a dark, packed warehouse and being told to go to the other side of the room. The room is so dark you can’t even see your hand in front of your face so you surely can’t see where the other side of the room is and how to get there. Without knowing the room, you will bump into objects and although you are working as hard as you can, you are wasting time and not even sure if you are making progress.
Instead, you have to turn on the lights to the realities of the new job market (good and bad) before you can navigate in it. It is not a pretty place, it is not where we want to spend a lot of time, but we have to know what it is to get through it. If you want to use the old approach to job seeking, you can. It is like using a horse and buggy on the interstate though. You may get where you are going, it will just take you a lot longer.
Many family and individuals were not ready for the sudden job loss and the length of time it takes to find a new job. You need to keep the roof over the head, the car in the driveway, and food on the table. The job loss also has an impact on the family dynamics. I refer to all of these as pressure points. Since all of us will be on the job market again, there is no shame in being unemployed.
There are organizations out there whose sole purpose is to provide assistance to those who need it. In the United States, you would not hesitate to call 911 for first responders if you needed it because you realize that there are times you need assistance that you can’t handle by yourself. We know the number 411, phone number information. In many states 511 will get you information from the Department of Transportation. Dialing 211 will connect you with the United Way and its network of organizations (like the church I attend) to help with many of your needs and mine. Do not wait until the situation is dire because there are more options available the earlier you call.
Just dial 211 and let them know your zip code and the type of assistance you need and they will connect you with the organization that offers the type of assistance you desire. They also offer counseling for those family dynamics that can be strained by unemployment. I give to the United Way so they are there when you or I need them so please contact them as needed.
Learn today how to adapt to change and pursue “new cheese”. Turn on the lights to the reality of the new job market and learn how to navigate in it to get that job quicker. Remember there is no shame in being in a job transition, we all will be at one time or another, so get assistance for any pressure points while there are more options available to you.
Accepting this change is a good step. In the fourth and final part of this series, we will cover the importance of having and maintaining a good attitude in the job search.
Friday, December 11, 2009
The Other Skills That Will Help You Get the Job: Part 2 of 4 - Body Language
A person can have all of the experience and technical skills the company is looking for but may not get hired if he does not demonstrate strong soft skills. Soft skills are the skills, abilities, and traits that pertain to personality, attitude, and behavior rather than formal or technical knowledge. It is the combination of abilities and soft skills that will set you apart from the crowd.
Soft skills include the following:
Active Listening
Body Language
Accepting Change
Good Attitude
Judi Adams, the founder and senior job search coach at RightChanges, the Affordable and Successful Job Search Coach, will address each of these in the four part series The Other Skills That Will Help You Get the Job.
In part one of the series we covered active listening and how important it is to all of us especially when we are in a job search.
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/12/other-skills-that-will-help-you-get-job.html
In part two, we are covering body language. To really understand the importance of body language, think back to a time when you asked someone you are close to what’s wrong and she said “nothing” but her body was saying you are in deep trouble. It may be the set jaw (like she is gritting her teeth). It may be the lack of eye contact. It may be the left hip thrown out to the side and the crossed arms. Many of us realize in this situation that the words and the body language do not match and we trust the body language more than the words spoken.
Body language is the most spontaneous, natural, and reliable form of communications. It makes up the majority of our communications (some say 75% or more). Many of our expressions come from the truth of body language. Here are a few common phrases.
I don’t trust him, he had beady eyes: pupils constrict when the person is being deceitful.
He was such an engaging speaker; he had them on the edge of their seats: When people are engaged with what someone is saying, they move forward, to the edge of their chairs.
She is stand offish: We expect people to stand within a certain space from us when they are engaged in a conversation (note: the definition of appropriate personal space differs by country). When a person stands outside of that space, further away than expected, it makes us uncomfortable.
He’s pushy: Conversely when a person stands too close to us, we feel they are pushy.
Get a grip on yourself: We find it calming to touch our upper arms during times of stress
Have you ever wondered why e-mail or text communications quickly escalate out of hand (out of hand - another phrased based on body language)? It is because the person is missing out on the majority of our message which is conveyed by inflection, tone, and body language.
Now that you see the importance and reliability of body language, imagine how important body language is to the job search.
Your Body Language: The message you are sending
The first step of the job search is Attitude for a reason. If you don’t have a positive attitude, it will show in your word choice, your energy, and your body language. Attitude is one of the three steps that must be addressed before you begin the job search or you will be sabotaging your own job effort.
When networking (which is where 90%+ of people will find their next job) and interviewing, your body language needs to convey confidence, a good attitude, and openness. It is natural to be somewhat nervous before networking and interviewing; your body language is important so you need to be aware of the message you are sending to others.
Realize you are valuable: review your accomplishment list before going out to a networking event to remind yourself that you are very accomplished. Your posture standing and seated should reflect your confidence. If you slouch, your body is basically saying “don’t hire me, I’m not worthy”.
Be prepared: review networking tips so that you are more prepared for how to make the most of the event.
Participate in mock interviews with a job networking volunteer or coach to get feedback on not only your responses and questions but also on your handshake and body language.
Breathe deeply before entering the room and smile.
Have a good handshake: The handshake should be the same for men and women. It should be web of hand to web of hand. The hands should be firm, not crunching or limp, and both people should be involved in the shaking (don’t leave it to the other person to shake your hand).
There is one handshake that I have titled (with all due respect) the “Queen Elizabeth handshake”, when the woman’s hand closes over the fingers of the other person (male or female). This form of handshake would be appropriate if we kissed the person’s hand like some people do with royalty. I had a female salesperson shake my hand this way once and I have to say it shocked me because good handshakes are a basic tool for salespeople. Years ago, I had the privilege to shake hands with Princess Sarah Ferguson (Fergie), Duchess of York on her visit to town and even though she is royalty, she shook hands like normal. We don’t kiss hands in business so the “Queen Elizabeth handshake” should never be used.
Leave your arms and legs uncrossed to reflect openness. Women, it is okay to cross your ankles. If you are cold, you can cross your arms to retain body heat but rub your arms (like you are generating heat) or mention that you are a bit cool so the other person doesn’t misinterpret your intention.
Lean forward as the other person is speaking to show interest (remember the phrase above “he had them on the edge of their seats”).
Mirror the speaker’s body language. I enjoy watching people while I am waiting for a flight or meeting. I noticed that men are better at mirroring each other’s body language than women. Look around the next time you are out. Men at a table will have similar body language; note especially their posture and arms. You do not want to take this to the level of mimicking the other person though.
Have direct eye contact with the other person to compliment the speaker and build trust in you. Have you ever been to a presentation and made eye contact with the speaker? You will notice that the speaker will continually return to face you while speaking.
In different parts of the US and in different countries, the amount of eye contact is different. I am from the south but lived in Chicago for many years. When I first moved to Chicago, I kept hearing “you aren’t from here, are you?” mostly in response to my southern accent. At times when I hadn’t spoken though it was because I made eye contact and smiled with people who passed me on the street or that I saw on the bus.
Keep your hands visible to indicate trustworthiness, i.e. that you aren’t hiding anything. This means do not hold your hands behind your back. Men, do not put your hands in your pockets.
Do not overly gesture while talking as it will detract from what you are saying.
In a group interview, make eye contact with the last person that spoke. Make sure though that during the meeting you make eye contact with everyone.
These are things that you should be aware about with your own body language; you need to be aware of other people’s body language as well.
Their Body Language: The message you should be receiving
If the person you are speaking to demonstrates any of the following body movements, it means they are responsive to you: leaning forward, open arms and legs, open hands (palms up).
When people tilt their head, nod, has a high blink rate, stroke their chin, smile, and look up and to the right, they are reflective (thinking).
If, instead, the people you are speaking to stare into space, cross their arms, slump in posture, doodle, tap their feet, aim their feet toward the door, look around, sit to the back of their chairs, have their heads down, or have clenched hands, then they are bored or have rejected you. Be aware if the person you are speaking to suddenly changes to one of these postures, you may have said something that is offensive or misunderstood and you may need to clarify the point.
People are not being truthful if they touch their face, put their hand over their mouth, pull an ear, turn their eyes down, or shift in the seat.
A few funny stories from the job search front
I like finding humor where I can.
I was asked what it means if the interviewer falls asleep in the midst of the interview.
My team and I were interviewing a person to fill an opening we had. After the interview and escorting her out, we reconvened to discuss everyone’s feedback. When I sat in the seat she had been sitting in I about fell out of it. The seat was broken and only with a great deal of effort could the person sitting in it stay upright. Here she was facing a team interview while at the same time developing her core muscles so she did not fall onto the floor. If she is reading this I want to say “no, that was not a test; we didn’t know the seat was broken until you left but to this day we think you are amazing”.
Do you have funny and real job search stories that relate to body language? Send them to Info@RightChanges.biz for possible inclusion in the book that we have coming out.
Understanding body language, monitoring your own body language, and interpreting the body language of others will come very naturally to you with practice, like driving while watching the rear and side view mirrors; you will not even realize you are doing it but are taking in all of the information that is being communicated. For a job seeker it can mean the difference between landing that next job and being on the job market a bit longer.
Soft skills include the following:
Active Listening
Body Language
Accepting Change
Good Attitude
Judi Adams, the founder and senior job search coach at RightChanges, the Affordable and Successful Job Search Coach, will address each of these in the four part series The Other Skills That Will Help You Get the Job.
In part one of the series we covered active listening and how important it is to all of us especially when we are in a job search.
http://rightchangesjobsearchcoach.blogspot.com/2009/12/other-skills-that-will-help-you-get-job.html
In part two, we are covering body language. To really understand the importance of body language, think back to a time when you asked someone you are close to what’s wrong and she said “nothing” but her body was saying you are in deep trouble. It may be the set jaw (like she is gritting her teeth). It may be the lack of eye contact. It may be the left hip thrown out to the side and the crossed arms. Many of us realize in this situation that the words and the body language do not match and we trust the body language more than the words spoken.
Body language is the most spontaneous, natural, and reliable form of communications. It makes up the majority of our communications (some say 75% or more). Many of our expressions come from the truth of body language. Here are a few common phrases.
I don’t trust him, he had beady eyes: pupils constrict when the person is being deceitful.
He was such an engaging speaker; he had them on the edge of their seats: When people are engaged with what someone is saying, they move forward, to the edge of their chairs.
She is stand offish: We expect people to stand within a certain space from us when they are engaged in a conversation (note: the definition of appropriate personal space differs by country). When a person stands outside of that space, further away than expected, it makes us uncomfortable.
He’s pushy: Conversely when a person stands too close to us, we feel they are pushy.
Get a grip on yourself: We find it calming to touch our upper arms during times of stress
Have you ever wondered why e-mail or text communications quickly escalate out of hand (out of hand - another phrased based on body language)? It is because the person is missing out on the majority of our message which is conveyed by inflection, tone, and body language.
Now that you see the importance and reliability of body language, imagine how important body language is to the job search.
Your Body Language: The message you are sending
The first step of the job search is Attitude for a reason. If you don’t have a positive attitude, it will show in your word choice, your energy, and your body language. Attitude is one of the three steps that must be addressed before you begin the job search or you will be sabotaging your own job effort.
When networking (which is where 90%+ of people will find their next job) and interviewing, your body language needs to convey confidence, a good attitude, and openness. It is natural to be somewhat nervous before networking and interviewing; your body language is important so you need to be aware of the message you are sending to others.
Realize you are valuable: review your accomplishment list before going out to a networking event to remind yourself that you are very accomplished. Your posture standing and seated should reflect your confidence. If you slouch, your body is basically saying “don’t hire me, I’m not worthy”.
Be prepared: review networking tips so that you are more prepared for how to make the most of the event.
Participate in mock interviews with a job networking volunteer or coach to get feedback on not only your responses and questions but also on your handshake and body language.
Breathe deeply before entering the room and smile.
Have a good handshake: The handshake should be the same for men and women. It should be web of hand to web of hand. The hands should be firm, not crunching or limp, and both people should be involved in the shaking (don’t leave it to the other person to shake your hand).
There is one handshake that I have titled (with all due respect) the “Queen Elizabeth handshake”, when the woman’s hand closes over the fingers of the other person (male or female). This form of handshake would be appropriate if we kissed the person’s hand like some people do with royalty. I had a female salesperson shake my hand this way once and I have to say it shocked me because good handshakes are a basic tool for salespeople. Years ago, I had the privilege to shake hands with Princess Sarah Ferguson (Fergie), Duchess of York on her visit to town and even though she is royalty, she shook hands like normal. We don’t kiss hands in business so the “Queen Elizabeth handshake” should never be used.
Leave your arms and legs uncrossed to reflect openness. Women, it is okay to cross your ankles. If you are cold, you can cross your arms to retain body heat but rub your arms (like you are generating heat) or mention that you are a bit cool so the other person doesn’t misinterpret your intention.
Lean forward as the other person is speaking to show interest (remember the phrase above “he had them on the edge of their seats”).
Mirror the speaker’s body language. I enjoy watching people while I am waiting for a flight or meeting. I noticed that men are better at mirroring each other’s body language than women. Look around the next time you are out. Men at a table will have similar body language; note especially their posture and arms. You do not want to take this to the level of mimicking the other person though.
Have direct eye contact with the other person to compliment the speaker and build trust in you. Have you ever been to a presentation and made eye contact with the speaker? You will notice that the speaker will continually return to face you while speaking.
In different parts of the US and in different countries, the amount of eye contact is different. I am from the south but lived in Chicago for many years. When I first moved to Chicago, I kept hearing “you aren’t from here, are you?” mostly in response to my southern accent. At times when I hadn’t spoken though it was because I made eye contact and smiled with people who passed me on the street or that I saw on the bus.
Keep your hands visible to indicate trustworthiness, i.e. that you aren’t hiding anything. This means do not hold your hands behind your back. Men, do not put your hands in your pockets.
Do not overly gesture while talking as it will detract from what you are saying.
In a group interview, make eye contact with the last person that spoke. Make sure though that during the meeting you make eye contact with everyone.
These are things that you should be aware about with your own body language; you need to be aware of other people’s body language as well.
Their Body Language: The message you should be receiving
If the person you are speaking to demonstrates any of the following body movements, it means they are responsive to you: leaning forward, open arms and legs, open hands (palms up).
When people tilt their head, nod, has a high blink rate, stroke their chin, smile, and look up and to the right, they are reflective (thinking).
If, instead, the people you are speaking to stare into space, cross their arms, slump in posture, doodle, tap their feet, aim their feet toward the door, look around, sit to the back of their chairs, have their heads down, or have clenched hands, then they are bored or have rejected you. Be aware if the person you are speaking to suddenly changes to one of these postures, you may have said something that is offensive or misunderstood and you may need to clarify the point.
People are not being truthful if they touch their face, put their hand over their mouth, pull an ear, turn their eyes down, or shift in the seat.
A few funny stories from the job search front
I like finding humor where I can.
I was asked what it means if the interviewer falls asleep in the midst of the interview.
My team and I were interviewing a person to fill an opening we had. After the interview and escorting her out, we reconvened to discuss everyone’s feedback. When I sat in the seat she had been sitting in I about fell out of it. The seat was broken and only with a great deal of effort could the person sitting in it stay upright. Here she was facing a team interview while at the same time developing her core muscles so she did not fall onto the floor. If she is reading this I want to say “no, that was not a test; we didn’t know the seat was broken until you left but to this day we think you are amazing”.
Do you have funny and real job search stories that relate to body language? Send them to Info@RightChanges.biz for possible inclusion in the book that we have coming out.
Understanding body language, monitoring your own body language, and interpreting the body language of others will come very naturally to you with practice, like driving while watching the rear and side view mirrors; you will not even realize you are doing it but are taking in all of the information that is being communicated. For a job seeker it can mean the difference between landing that next job and being on the job market a bit longer.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
The Other Skills That Will Help You Get the Job: Part 1 of 4- Active Listening
A person can have all of the experience and technical skills the company is looking for but may not get hired if he does not demonstrate strong soft skills. Soft skills are the skills, abilities, and traits that pertain to personality, attitude, and behavior rather than formal or technical knowledge. It is the combination of abilities and soft skills that will set you apart from the crowd.
Soft skills include the following:
Active Listening
Body Language
Accepting Change
Good Attitude
Judi Adams, the founder and senior job search coach at RightChanges, the Affordable and Successful Job Search Coach, will address each of these in the four part series The Other Skills That Will Help You Get the Job.
In part one of the series we will cover active listening. You probably have heard we were given one mouth and two ears for a reason – we are to listen twice as much as we talk. A wise man once said that there is nothing more dangerous than the illusion that communication has taken place. When asked who they consider a great communicator, people often indicate the person who in fact spent most of the conversation listening. Communication is important, listening is an important aspect of communication, and active listening is the best approach to listening.
In fact, humans spend 40% of our conscious time listening yet the average person only retains 25% of what they hear. Let’s look at the reasons we don’t retain more.
1) We treat listening as a passive activity. We multi-task while we are supposedly listening to a friend, a conference call, or the news.
2) We listen faster than people speak. The average person speaks at 130 words per minute yet the average person listens at 500 words per minute. Our mind either jumps ahead or takes a mental walk, thinking of other things.
3) We don’t clear our mind first. Think about a time someone suddenly approaches you speaking to you while you are in the middle of doing something. Most of us have to ask the person to repeat what she said because our mind was still on what we were doing.
4) We are concerned with our reply or our own agenda. This is a common mistake of job seekers. We are so intent on making sure we share certain information about our skills and accomplishments that we don’t listen to the hiring manager. She may be sharing essential information that could help us get the job yet we miss it because we’re busy playing our responses in our head.
5) The perception of the person talking is different from the person listening. Example: I am from the south. If you said “you are welcome to join us for dinner” I hear that I am welcome but not my husband. In the south “you all are welcome to join us for dinner” would mean that I can include my significant other.
So let’s review examples of what is not active listening.
The Lighthouse: Like a lighthouse that scans the horizon with its light, a Lighthouse listener is a person who scans the room while supposedly listening to the person in front of him. They are usually looking around to see who else is there and only half listening at best.
The Goldfish: When asked to do an imitation of a goldfish, most people push their lips out and open and close their mouth. The Goldfish listeners are so busy trying to speak (opening and closing their mouths) that they look like a goldfish.
The Duet: A duet is when two people are singing at the same time. The Duet listener, as you can imagine, is a person who talks at the same time as another person. No one is really listening.
The “Yes Dear”: Imagine a TV with a good sports game (or soap opera) playing and a spouse trying to communicate to the person watching TV. The typical response is “yes dear” without really having heard a word of what the other person said.
The Blind and Deaf: There was a commercial a few years ago that exemplified the Blind and Deaf listener. People were around a board table and one person made a suggestion on how the company could save money (using FedEx?). After making the suggestion, no one said a word until the boss at the head of the table made the same suggestion as if it was his idea. The Blind and Deaf listener is one who does not make any indication that anything was said. If you are the victim of a Deaf and Blind listener, you may even look down to be sure you are not invisible and then test your voice to make sure you actually make sound when you talk.
Now that we know what active listening is not, let’s understand what it is. It is the active process of getting both the sender and the receiver of the message involved to create a two way communication.
Steps in Active Listening
Person A sends a message (speaks)
Person B receives the message concentrating fully on what is being said (listens)
Person B states what Person B understood but makes no evaluations such as “are you nuts?” (using the summarizing or reflecting active listening technique)
Person A agrees with Person B’s interpretation or sends the message again. If the message is not understood, consider trying different words. Remember what they say about a person who tries the same thing 3 times exactly the same way and expects different results.
Techniques for Active Listening
Techniques you can use to listen actively are as follows:
Summarizing
Use a phrase similar to one of the following to repeat back in your own words what you understand the other person to have said.
“As I understand it, what you are saying is…”
“So your point is that…”
Reflecting
Reflect back phrases that you heard. Example: if the person said they need a person who knows C++, you can repeat back “C++” with an intonation at the end to indicate “and?” to encourage that person to continue.
Non-verbal Communications
In part two of the four part series we will cover body language. Body language is non verbal communications. To give non-vernal active listening cues, use eye contact, nodding, and mirroring the speaker’s body language (but not to the point of mimicking him).
Utilizing these active listening techniques will increase your retention of information others share with you and, you never know, you may find out information that will increase your success at securing your next job.
In part two we will discuss how important body language is to the job search.
Soft skills include the following:
Active Listening
Body Language
Accepting Change
Good Attitude
Judi Adams, the founder and senior job search coach at RightChanges, the Affordable and Successful Job Search Coach, will address each of these in the four part series The Other Skills That Will Help You Get the Job.
In part one of the series we will cover active listening. You probably have heard we were given one mouth and two ears for a reason – we are to listen twice as much as we talk. A wise man once said that there is nothing more dangerous than the illusion that communication has taken place. When asked who they consider a great communicator, people often indicate the person who in fact spent most of the conversation listening. Communication is important, listening is an important aspect of communication, and active listening is the best approach to listening.
In fact, humans spend 40% of our conscious time listening yet the average person only retains 25% of what they hear. Let’s look at the reasons we don’t retain more.
1) We treat listening as a passive activity. We multi-task while we are supposedly listening to a friend, a conference call, or the news.
2) We listen faster than people speak. The average person speaks at 130 words per minute yet the average person listens at 500 words per minute. Our mind either jumps ahead or takes a mental walk, thinking of other things.
3) We don’t clear our mind first. Think about a time someone suddenly approaches you speaking to you while you are in the middle of doing something. Most of us have to ask the person to repeat what she said because our mind was still on what we were doing.
4) We are concerned with our reply or our own agenda. This is a common mistake of job seekers. We are so intent on making sure we share certain information about our skills and accomplishments that we don’t listen to the hiring manager. She may be sharing essential information that could help us get the job yet we miss it because we’re busy playing our responses in our head.
5) The perception of the person talking is different from the person listening. Example: I am from the south. If you said “you are welcome to join us for dinner” I hear that I am welcome but not my husband. In the south “you all are welcome to join us for dinner” would mean that I can include my significant other.
So let’s review examples of what is not active listening.
The Lighthouse: Like a lighthouse that scans the horizon with its light, a Lighthouse listener is a person who scans the room while supposedly listening to the person in front of him. They are usually looking around to see who else is there and only half listening at best.
The Goldfish: When asked to do an imitation of a goldfish, most people push their lips out and open and close their mouth. The Goldfish listeners are so busy trying to speak (opening and closing their mouths) that they look like a goldfish.
The Duet: A duet is when two people are singing at the same time. The Duet listener, as you can imagine, is a person who talks at the same time as another person. No one is really listening.
The “Yes Dear”: Imagine a TV with a good sports game (or soap opera) playing and a spouse trying to communicate to the person watching TV. The typical response is “yes dear” without really having heard a word of what the other person said.
The Blind and Deaf: There was a commercial a few years ago that exemplified the Blind and Deaf listener. People were around a board table and one person made a suggestion on how the company could save money (using FedEx?). After making the suggestion, no one said a word until the boss at the head of the table made the same suggestion as if it was his idea. The Blind and Deaf listener is one who does not make any indication that anything was said. If you are the victim of a Deaf and Blind listener, you may even look down to be sure you are not invisible and then test your voice to make sure you actually make sound when you talk.
Now that we know what active listening is not, let’s understand what it is. It is the active process of getting both the sender and the receiver of the message involved to create a two way communication.
Steps in Active Listening
Person A sends a message (speaks)
Person B receives the message concentrating fully on what is being said (listens)
Person B states what Person B understood but makes no evaluations such as “are you nuts?” (using the summarizing or reflecting active listening technique)
Person A agrees with Person B’s interpretation or sends the message again. If the message is not understood, consider trying different words. Remember what they say about a person who tries the same thing 3 times exactly the same way and expects different results.
Techniques for Active Listening
Techniques you can use to listen actively are as follows:
Summarizing
Use a phrase similar to one of the following to repeat back in your own words what you understand the other person to have said.
“As I understand it, what you are saying is…”
“So your point is that…”
Reflecting
Reflect back phrases that you heard. Example: if the person said they need a person who knows C++, you can repeat back “C++” with an intonation at the end to indicate “and?” to encourage that person to continue.
Non-verbal Communications
In part two of the four part series we will cover body language. Body language is non verbal communications. To give non-vernal active listening cues, use eye contact, nodding, and mirroring the speaker’s body language (but not to the point of mimicking him).
Utilizing these active listening techniques will increase your retention of information others share with you and, you never know, you may find out information that will increase your success at securing your next job.
In part two we will discuss how important body language is to the job search.
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